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PostPosted: Thu Feb 14, 2013 1:54 pm 
Marquis
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I actually wanted to make it a really hard ending between who was going to root for whom in this. :)

In actual legend, Mordred was Arthur's sister-son (nephew). Medieval culture would have made this bond the highest of importance and he would have essentially been Arthur's son. Instead I had it be
Spoiler: show
a brotherly bond
.

Anna, surprisingly, is actually hhe one character that ets less face time in this. I didnt intend for that to happen, but when that scene played out I disnt want to brong her back so soon. She jas a reappearance soon enough, but she dowsnt get much. Sorry.

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 Post subject: Re: P.A.P.E.R.C.L.I.P -Readers requested!
PostPosted: Thu Feb 14, 2013 9:38 pm 
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damn shame,she was really growing on me in Book I,only to disappear into the background in Book II

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PostPosted: Thu Feb 14, 2013 9:57 pm 
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It will be explained better later on as to why the disappears :)

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PostPosted: Sat Feb 16, 2013 3:09 pm 
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Well I've finished the first instalment. Good read that I enjoyed but definitely the first in a series. So much set up, moving everyone together and then leaving you anxious to read the next book. Good job I wouldn't have to wait a year or more between books, that'd be punishing.

Feedback from me:
  • Once you're done with the third (final?) instalment, then some proofreading needs to be done to clean up typos and the odd grammatical hiccup. Nothing major, we all do it, and I admire you ploughing through with the story rather than getting bogged down in the minor details that can be sorted later.
  • I got a bit lost every now and then with names. Everybody seems to have a series of names they go by to different people (birth name, nickname, alias) and at times I was lost. In the narrative could just the one name be used, then leave it to dialogue for different people to use those other names as they would in-character?
  • As for the characters over in China - Jia, Hui etc - could they have been moved to the start of the next book and had their chapters there? I know that their presence is setting up for later appearances, but their overall lack of impact on the first book makes me wonder if they'd be better served appearing from the start of book two (where I presume they start getting involved directly with the plot).

Not as much feedback as Lex has given and I doubt any of it is of much use, but there are my thoughts anyway.
I'd ask for the next book but only if you'd wait another 2 months for any feedback. I would say I can start reading faster but fact is I probably wouldn't get the chance, so no promises. Whether you send it or not remains your call and your patience.


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PostPosted: Sat Feb 16, 2013 4:26 pm 
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Hey, the feedback is great thank you! I'm always concerned about names and such so that's helpful- truly. I'm not at home right now, but I'll send you book ii later on today. Whenever you'd like to read it that'd be great, take your time!

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PostPosted: Sun Feb 17, 2013 3:45 am 
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theadirondackcoyote wrote:
Hey, the feedback is great thank you! I'm always concerned about names and such so that's helpful- truly. I'm not at home right now, but I'll send you book ii later on today. Whenever you'd like to read it that'd be great, take your time!


Fair enough. I'll endeavour to speed the reading along as best I can.


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 Post subject: Re: P.A.P.E.R.C.L.I.P -Readers requested!
PostPosted: Sun Feb 17, 2013 3:55 pm 
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up to Chapter Twenty Three:

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still I can't help but feel like Alexandrov was bullshitting half the time just to spite Mordred

while still anti-climactic Mordred finishing off Alexandrov with his "true" form was classic awesome

the Cei VS Xander fight was also great,showing how far the latter has come,Cei is still his typical idiot hero self

the lesson in philosophy was very well executed,in fact I'd like to discuss a few points you brought up sometime,it's been awhile since had a good philosophical sparring partner

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PostPosted: Sun Feb 17, 2013 6:38 pm 
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I'm so glad you're liking it! :) Only 7 chapters and an epilogue left!

I'd love to discuss the finer points of this with you, the philosophy was generally the point of writing this to begin with. :-)

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 Post subject: Re: P.A.P.E.R.C.L.I.P -Readers requested!
PostPosted: Mon Feb 18, 2013 4:54 am 
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all done

spoiler-free review:


Spoiler: show
When I first heard of the title I didn't know what to expect,but I ultimately gave it a shot,it's not every day that I get to read a true masterpiece,especially when the digital ink used is a mix of blood,tears,sweat and passion.

through a trilogy of books I came to know a world where not everything is what it seems at first,a world filled with death,betrayal and oppression,but also with rebirth,redemption and hope.

a world affected not only by a cold calculating tyrant,but by supernatural forces from another realm of existence,a world that at one point was very much like our own, only to turn into hell in mere moments,and I got to experience it all through the eyes of men and women on both sides of the struggle and it made me question myself: would I be willing to give up my ideals for the sake of those who are dear to me,or would I stand against them to uphold those ideals instead ? is our society doomed to fight against itself over conflicted motives for all eternity,or could it one day be truly united and live in a world free of such burdens ?

In the world of PAPERCLIP I met with people I didn't agree with or didn't like,but I could sympathise with them,and by the end I was glad to have known them and I hated to say goodbye.

I'd like to thank the author both as a fan and a friend,I love you very,very much,and I wish you nothing but success in any future affairs.

I promise to continue to support you on your journey,one way or another.

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PostPosted: Mon Feb 18, 2013 1:57 pm 
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That's fantastic :) I'm so glad you liked it >_<

What were your thoughts specifically on part iii? And its ending? I was trying very hard to not Harr Potter it. :-X

(I'm smiling like an idiot btw, and it's not even 8am yet >.<)

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 Post subject: Re: P.A.P.E.R.C.L.I.P -Readers requested!
PostPosted: Mon Feb 18, 2013 2:37 pm 
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about the ending,I couldn't have done it better myself

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the real reason why Mordred chose Xander to be his master

Anna's true motives

why familial relation is important to a Totem

Mordred's true form (as a Yu-Gi-Oh! fan,I couldn't help but imagine him looking like the Blue-Eyes White Dragon)

Bruce's reasons for helping Mikhail

the Battle was grand and I can tell you've put a lot effort to make everyone shine

and so many other things I don't even know how begin

is there anything specific you'd like my opinion about ?

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PostPosted: Mon Feb 18, 2013 2:40 pm 
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Thoughts on the epilogue? Now that it's over, does it need a prequel or can it exist on its own with fans filling in the blanks? (lately I've been leaning towards this one). Was there anything unresolved that should be addressed? Were you dissappointed in Samuel's fate? Vincent's?

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 Post subject: Re: P.A.P.E.R.C.L.I.P -Readers requested!
PostPosted: Mon Feb 18, 2013 3:10 pm 
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the epilogue was satisfying,and covered pretty much anyone important enough for the story

I don't think a prequel is necessary in my opinion,but I would appreciate a handbook of sorts that would cover anything that wasn't on the spotlight

beyond that I think most things were resolved splendidly,no wide plot holes to speak of

Sam and Vince died karmically,and looking back at it they could've had a worse fate: even with everyone dancing around a fire and singing Kumbaya,Sam and Vince would still be tried for crimes against humanity,so I guess dying on the battlefield was better than the alternative

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PostPosted: Mon Feb 18, 2013 3:37 pm 
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Actually that's why I did it that way. ^_^ I didnt want them to suffer more than they absolutely had to, especially when the tried to fix their mistakes. I'm happy you think a prequel is unnecessary, and I'm inclined to agree. Thank you so much for reading this, I truly appreciate it!

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 Post subject: Re: P.A.P.E.R.C.L.I.P -Readers requested!
PostPosted: Mon Feb 18, 2013 3:51 pm 
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prequels don't work most of the time,any background worth covering should be in the handbook,assuming you'd want to write one at all

no,thank you :-)

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