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 Post subject: Christian Cage. How bad can anybody suck?
PostPosted: Tue May 05, 2009 3:21 am 
Knight

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Christian Cage has raised the bar on how bad a wrestler can suck. He's put a good deal of effort into this by keeping a shitty hairdo, Dressing like a coffee-shop moron/pro bowler, Not tanning, Getting flabby, etc. Granted he's trying a bit harder now that he's back in WWE, but that's only because Vince knows painfully well how bad Christian sucks and would love to fire his ass at any moment. Any thoughts on how bad Christian sucks? Are there any wrestlers (WWE and TNA only) that come close to sucking as bad as he does?


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PostPosted: Tue May 05, 2009 12:08 pm 
Knight
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I don't see why you are hateing so badly on Christian I mean I feel he tries his best to give a good performance and maybe its that he doesn't suck but maybe the position he is in that makes him suck cause he is the ECW Champion which is like WWE's 3rd rate belt.


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PostPosted: Tue May 05, 2009 12:40 pm 
Knight

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Naw, he was much worse in TNA. I enjoy WWECW on SciFi, I just keep forgetting it's on so I haven't seen it in a month. Wow, I didn't know they gave him the strap. If it weren't for Edge this guy would be on the ring crew. (Where he belongs.)


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PostPosted: Tue May 05, 2009 1:05 pm 
Knight

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Let's see - Other guys who blatantly suck. Hmm....This will require thought. I guess it would help if I could actually sit thru an entire WWE or TNA broadcast without thinking "Who booked this crap?".
Let's see that whole deal on TNA last week where the Motor City Machineguns called out Christopher Daniels and they passed each other the microphone like a bunch of sissies. That sucked. But those guys don't really suck per se. I mean sure Christopher Daniels is about as charismatic as a jar of molasis but his work is impeccable. The guy is awesome. He just NEVER needs to talk. (Maybe he shoulda played Deadpool in the Wolverine film.)
The Motor City Machineguns...Well, the jury's out. It's unfair to comment on whether or not they suck just because they're always in matches that suck. Pretty much every match on TNA nowadays sucks.
Right now Samoa Joe sucks. If that bloated bastard can go get some generic-looking machete-steaknife hybrid weapon, surely the MEM guys can afford M16s. Or Uzis. That's just stupid. And Joe's among the best workers EVER. And unlike Christopher Daniels he can actually cut a convincing promo. So no, this guy is awesome. He's just being made out to suck by a clueless wrestling promotion.
Sting. Alright. That guy sucks. Hell, he always has. It's just worse now that he doesn't use steroids or workout anymore. Well damn. I've stumped myself. Sting may in fact suck worse than Christian. But, he's a veteren and is entitled to suck by now. So the point is mute. When a wrestler becomes a vetren with the status of Sting he has a green flag. We know you suck, brother. But now it's expected of you so you're doing a fine job in that role.
Maybe someone can give a good analysis of more things that suck in wrestling. (Keep Christian in mind. That way sucking controls your thought patterns.)


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PostPosted: Tue May 05, 2009 1:42 pm 
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For a second there I though it was April 1st. Christian is far from the worst wrestler on TV at the minute. Have you never seen Vladimir Kozlov?

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Not tanning, Getting flabby


Looking normal, not getting roided up? Or are you a die-hard Ultimate Warrior fan?

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but that's only because Vince knows painfully well how bad Christian sucks and would love to fire his ass at any moment.


Right, so that must be why Vince hired him on a 2-3 year contract in February then?

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue May 05, 2009 6:22 pm 
Knight

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Kozlov? I guess I'll sit thru ECW next week if I don't forget about it being on. So it is entirely possible that someone in the Fed sucks worse than Christian. I'd almost have to put Cena in there as well, but there's no way I'm watching Cena if I don't have to. That guy sucks. But he's no Christian Cage.


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PostPosted: Wed May 06, 2009 6:41 am 
Knight

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Watched WWECW tonight. Evan Bourne is friggin' awesome! Vladimir Koslov - well I couldn't tell that he sucked seeing as he just squash-jobbed a guy. He threw him around like a sack of potatoes. Actually a convincing display of this guys gimmick. I'll have to investigate further next week. Christian vs Mark Henry. Well, I really wanted to see this one. I was counting on The Worlds Strongest Man to just say 'f**k it' and pretend Christian's neck was a phone book and rip it in half. I don't know what happened cause that damn Christian put me to sleep like he always does. I was expecting Hornswaggle to accompant him since he was wearing those green n'black tights. Ok, I'll give him one point over Cena. At least he has actual gear and isn't a backyarder like Cena. But Cena could rip him a new one easily.


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PostPosted: Fri May 08, 2009 4:26 am 
Knight

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Actually watched some of TNA tonight. Awesome Kong, Jeeeesus Christ! That bitch is huge!! And she totally killed that bimbo she was in there with. Pretty entertaing. I liked how the ref kept counting faster in an effort to keep Kong from killing that girl. Not bad booking.
The main event ten-man tag had some decent moments. Anytime you got Kurt Angle and AJ Styles in a match at least part of it will be good. (Kurt Angle looked like his mind was elsewhere. I bet he swallowed a half-dozen Oxy Contins before the match.)
Mick Foley, god. I wish he'd have an automobile accident that put him in a wheelchair for awhle so he wouldn't wrestle. That was painful. Sting actually is a better worker than Foley now. So is Christian. Damnit Mick, how can you go out there and soil your legacy like that? Your legacy reminds me of the infamous 'Poopstain Patterson' moment from a few years ago. Mick Foley's current position in wrestling is pretty much the same as the mile-long skid in Pat Patterson's undies. Still when Patterson did that he eclipsed any workrate Christian has ever attempted, outside of when he was grill-boy at Hardees. That's where Christian belongs.


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 Post subject: Re:
PostPosted: Fri May 08, 2009 7:30 pm 
Knight
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piercetapes wrote:
Actually watched some of TNA tonight. Awesome Kong, Jeeeesus Christ! That bitch is huge!! And she totally killed that bimbo she was in there with. Pretty entertaing. I liked how the ref kept counting faster in an effort to keep Kong from killing that girl. Not bad booking.
The main event ten-man tag had some decent moments. Anytime you got Kurt Angle and AJ Styles in a match at least part of it will be good. (Kurt Angle looked like his mind was elsewhere. I bet he swallowed a half-dozen Oxy Contins before the match.)
Mick Foley, god. I wish he'd have an automobile accident that put him in a wheelchair for awhle so he wouldn't wrestle. That was painful. Sting actually is a better worker than Foley now. So is Christian. Damnit Mick, how can you go out there and soil your legacy like that? Your legacy reminds me of the infamous 'Poopstain Patterson' moment from a few years ago. Mick Foley's current position in wrestling is pretty much the same as the mile-long skid in Pat Patterson's undies. Still when Patterson did that he eclipsed any workrate Christian has ever attempted, outside of when he was grill-boy at Hardees. That's where Christian belongs.




You know if you are gonna talk about TNA stuff why don't you talk about it in the TNA thread.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sat May 09, 2009 9:39 am 
Knight

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Now there's an idea. I tied it into this thread by mentioning how TNA things relate to Christian sucking on a ginormous level. I felt it was relevant. (pushes glasses closer to nose).
Eventually this thread will morph into something totally different as well.
Man, I had Steak And Shake a couple of days ago and the service totally sucked! You'd think Christian Cage was the general manager but his punkass was only washing dishes.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sat May 09, 2009 1:03 pm 
Knight
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You know and I am just saying I don't get why you hate Christian so much to make it think that when ever you experience something that you think sucks you gotta think that it was like Christian was there or something.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sat May 09, 2009 1:43 pm 
Merchant
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wow, we got a smart mark aka a SMARK among us now, and lo' and behold it turns out he's also an idiot.

Christian sucks ? Edge is great ? Whatever you are smoking dude I want some of that shit. Anyone who says they enjoy WWECW deserves a brick dropped on their head. Repeatedly.

I do agree with some points you have made i.e. "who books this shit?!" I agree with that 100000000%. Wrestling as a whole has declined so far down the piss hole since the shitbag known as: Vince Russo, took creative control of WCW, killed it and went on to work for TNA which he is also killing. Someone shoot that bastard and bring in a true booking genius; Paul Heyman, just don't let him near the cheque book please!

You can not judge Kozlov's gimmick after one squash match, you need to go back further, perhaps check Youtube or Dailymotion.com and search for Kozlov vs HHH for example, to get a better idea of how much this dude sucks.

Another idiot point for you, Cena hater, the world is full of so called "wrestling fans" who go out of their way to declare their hate for someone they have never met (which is kinda pathetic don't you think?) Do you even understand WHY Cena headlines so many shows ? Apparently, according to your brethren of SMARKS, Cena sucks a mean cock which is why he headlines, never mind the simple fact that WWE's target audience is now kids and young teens, which are the exact type of fan that Cena appeals to and thus his gear and merchandise sells like hotcakes in a starving nation. Cena headlines because he sells tickets and his image sells merchandise and the bottom line for Vince has always been and will always be the dollar sign $$$$$$, so since Cena brings in the money and until he no longer does so, he will remain as the top face. Just think of Cena as this era's version of Hulk Hogan, not exactly great in the ring but he filled seats right ?

You do realize that Cena and every other wrestler plays a gimmick yes? Cena's gimmick is a brawler and frankly I think he does an excellent job of being a brawler, he's no Chris Benoit of Kurt Angle but he entertains all the same.

Your turn now, go on then, dazzle me with your SMARK intelligence, trust me, I won't be impressed.

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sat May 09, 2009 1:48 pm 
Knight
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I know you aren't talking about me but I wanna put my two cents in about what you said which is I agree with everything you said.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sat May 09, 2009 4:24 pm 
Knight

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Damn, I touched a nerve. LOL. What are you like 12 or something? I guesss you don't enjoy my humour. Well, at least your spelling is good.
I have never met Christian Cage. Nor would I want to because I could meet a hundred other dudes like him drinking coffee in a bookstore. But, I'd rather meet him than Cena. He'd be like "Hey kid, couldya help me with this syringe I got stuck in my ass? I'm so muscle-bound that I can't reach back there to yank it out."
By calling me a SMARK you are hinting that you are in the wrestling business. What are you a coffee guy for McMahon? Maybe you work for Gabe getting $5 foot-longs for the boys.
Whatever, I think you are misjudging me, which is okay. I couldn't care less. I love cracking on guys like Cena and Christian because it makes me chuckle. This whole message board makes me chuckle. You with your panties in a bunch makes me chuckle.
Obyiously Christian, John Cena, and everyone else on TV are tremendously talented and my hat's off to them. I don't like how wrestling on TV has become, though. And I will speak my mind on it. It's getting to be all style over substance, particularly with TNA. But their ratings are good. Great. I hope all the guys make good money.
Now, go get me a coffee, kid.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sat May 09, 2009 7:47 pm 
Knight

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So I was @ the Mall for awhile. You know, stylin' and profilin' as always. I was about to check out the graphic novels section in Barnes & Knoble (I think it is owned 50% by Chris Barnes and 50% by Jamie Knoble these days) when I saw this guy dressed like a bowler with really bad hair hassling the girl behind the counter of the coffee section. Something about being 45 cents short. His back was turned so I can't be for sure, but it may very well have been Christian Cage! Seeing as how I was carrying massive paper I promptly made an exit. I ain't springing for that gibletheaded jabroni to have a capaccino.


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